Deleted Scenes: The Hardest Thing

(Cowritten with Dreamer. Thanks Dreamer!)

It was a fairly quiet day in the mentoring complex. Besides a small outburst of frustration from Miracle and Eli at the food they’d just gotten to their tributes being taken away, everyone was focused. Some, like Helen, were even brave enough to take a short nap in the middle of the day.


Gian and Riggs were not quite so brave. They operated on shifts in order to ensure that their tributes always had eyes on them. Gian sipped coffee, to which his stomach grumbled and complained as he had no food in his stomach. How long had it been since he’d eaten again…? Amani had done a good job so far of checking up on them, but he really felt like it was over ten hours since he’d had a proper meal.


The door opened, and he heard the familiar footsteps that always calmed his heart. He couldn’t help but smile when Riggs walked in, and even bigger when he saw the tray of two lunches that his love had brought.


“Hey. How did your fundraising go?” He tried to look at Riggs’s face, but the delectable sandwiches were practically staring him down.


“Not too bad. Elliot and his allies have a lot of fans,” Riggs said, his voice lacking it’s usual energy. He glanced at the screen in front of Gian.  “Is now a good time for lunch?”


“Yes, please.” Gian reached for a sandwich and couldn’t help but notice the absence of condiments and pickles: just how he liked it. “Thank you.” He tried to wait for a response to put it into his mouth, but he simply couldn’t.


“Of course,” Riggs replied softly, slowly sinking down into his chair next to Gian’s. “We need to take care of each other.”


Gian sighed as he took a long blink, which made ever-so-clear to him that another headache was coming on from watching the screens so closely. Nothing that coffee can’t fix, he thought, rubbing his temples before taking another bite of sandwich.


“I should be taking care of you,” he said finally. “I mean, I’m more experienced and all.”


“Only by two years. And you essentially mentored by yourself, with Anatoly not being much help. I’m not letting you be alone any more. We’re in this together. You and me.” Riggs thought about his lack of experience often. He wanted to do the best he could for Elliot, but he was worried.  What if he failed him? He tried to hide his fears from Gian as he had so much to worry about as it was, but his boyfriend could see right through him more often than not.


Gian smiled. “Considering both of our tributes made it this far, I’d say we make a pretty good team.” He took a deep breath, knowing that their tributes couldn’t both stay alive forever. And as much as he loved Riggs, and knew that he cared about Elliot, Gian had to stay loyal to Harleigh until her very last breath. But, that wasn’t an issue they had to worry about now. Gian reached over and put a hand on Riggs’s, rubbing it gently.

Riggs smiled slightly, comforted by Gian’s touch. “The best. In more ways than one. I know we can get one of them home. They can do it.”


Gian took a deep breath and gave a nod. “Right.” But when lives were on the line, it was hard to stay reassured for too long. He had to be strong for Riggs, though. He knew how much his boyfriend needed him, and vice versa. As long as Gian remained composed, Riggs could lean on him. He tried to give Riggs a smile, but it quickly disappeared when he caught wind of the tributes that were approaching Elliot’s little trio. “Riggs…”

“Hm?” Riggs turned towards Elliot’s screen, his eyes widening when he realized who was heading towards the alliance. The three 18 year old boys from Five, Seven, and Ten were definitely the biggest threat in the arena other than the careers, and they were quickly closing in on Elliot and his allies. Even worse, this was the alliance Elliot had taken food from using the star token that Riggs had sent him. “Oh no…”


Gian couldn’t do anything but watch in horror as Camellia and Elliot took Jace’s hands and the three of them started away together. Owen hung behind, his face hesitant and afraid. Cerulean and Lonan continued, Lonan soon taking the lead over his ally and catching up quickly to the trio. At that point Gian knew a fight was unavoidable, as hopeful as Riggs looked.


“Faster Elliot,” Riggs begged weakly, squeezing Gian’s hand tightly. They could escape. They had to. Riggs felt helpless, but there was no way Elliot life would end here.


However, Elliot soon tripped and came crashing down, taking Jace with him. Lonan approached, and Gian could barely watch as Elliot took Lonan’s weapon, giving Jace a moment to scurry back, away from the tribute from District Ten. Camellia activated the smoke bombs, and in the midst of the smoke, he could see the three silhouettes leaning on each other, the middle one obviously Elliot as he stumbled and wobbled along.


Once the smoke cleared and the area was free from threats, Camellia and Jace lowered Elliot to the ground with a great effort. He was bleeding out. The concern on Camellia’s face, the fervent search for anything that would save him… Gian had seen it in Riggs’s eyes as he was saving Syca. But he feared it would be the same outcome.


“No no no,” muttered Riggs. “There must be something…” Deep down, though, Riggs knew, just as he knew it was too late to save his ally. He couldn’t do anything but sing to him, and now, Riggs was just as helpless. Tears filled Riggs’s eyes and he blinked rapidly, trying to deny that this was happening.


Camellia realized soon that none of her supplies would be enough to save his life. The heartbreak on her face was reflected on the other side of the screen. Gian reached over and took Riggs’s hand, giving it a light squeeze for support.


“No first aid,” Elliot said, his voice weak and wavering. The kid knew what was happening to him…


"I'm not going to give up.” Camellia’s lips quivered as her brain whizzed with thoughts, and startled slightly when Elliot weaky grabbed her wrist.


“It's not giving up if I tell you to do it....It's okay." Gian lightly reached over and rubbed Riggs’s back, seeing the tears in his eyes.


Riggs’s eyes swam with tears as Elliot tried to reassure his allies. "I don't really have much waiting back home for me. All of this time I was wrapped up in this dream to be famous… But that's not my dream anymore. My dream now is for you both to achieve yours." His allies both fervently shook their heads at that statement, the pain etched across their faces as he continued. "My dream was selfish all along. Truth is, I didn't have family worth living for. But now, I found a family worth dying for."


“Elliot no,” Riggs whispered, his voice quivering. “Don’t say that… What about Jillianne?”


He only wanted to protect the young woman he was with at the Capitol, his family and friends… He managed a smile as he asked his allies to fight for their families. He was obviously nearing the end. Gian’s heart hit his stomach, putting an arm around Riggs’s shoulders. He had no idea how to comfort him in a time like this.


“You are my family Elliot,” Camellia said quietly, and Jace soon affirmed.


From there, Gian’s head was swimming with thoughts, with the passing of time, until he heard a familiar song that lifted his head. Camellia’s voice quivered, and tears fell off of her cheeks. At the sound of the singing, Riggs let out a sob, and one of his splashed Gian’s hand on the table, and he felt absolutely helpless. How was he supposed to support someone that was forced through so much hurt…?


Camellia barely got through the first chorus before a cannon fired, quickly startling both of the mentors with its sudden nature. Couldn’t that have waited until she was done with the song? Suddenly, Jace’s shouting voice drew the mentors’ attention back to the screen. He clung to Elliot’s body, squeezing tears out of his eyes and trying to keep them from taking it away.


“Leave him alone!” he desperately cried, and Camellia yelled back at him with just as much urgency, “It’s over Jace!”


“It’s not his! He’s still breathing! It’s not his!” The poor kid… Gian’s heart broke for him.


“Jace…” Ani said, and the strain of tears broke his voice.


Camellia was still yelling at him, and before Gian’s eyes, the little family quickly broke down. Camellia took the butt end of her confetti cannon. Jace was immediately knocked out, and Gian worried that they were about to hear another cannon. He didn’t bleed too much, and Camellia quickly ran away from the area as Elliot’s body was taken away, out of there.


“What the hell did she do!?” The resignation in Anakyn’s voice was understandable to Gian, but not his biggest concern.


“Riggs?” he asked quietly, the noise of Camellia’s cries playing in a near-silent room.


Riggs couldn’t think. He couldn’t see through the tears that were pouring from his eyes, couldn’t even wonder why Camellia had betrayed her ally like that. Riggs felt like the room was closing in on him, and to block it all out, he buried his face in Gian’s shoulder. “I f-failed him,” he tried to say, but who knew if Gian could understand him through his muffled sobs.


Riggs had lost a tribute before, just last year. It had hurt then, knowing there was nothing he could do to save him then either. Losing Elliot… this was even worse. The kid had so much life to live, so many dreams to chase. He looked up to Riggs, though he couldn’t begin to understand why, and Riggs had hoped so badly that one day Elliot could have a love like he had with Gian. It was too late now, though. He was gone, and with him, the future he had deserved. It was all Riggs’s fault.


Gian spoke, just barely louder than Riggs’s sobs. “If he had to go… At least he did surrounded by the ones he loved.” It was a bitter reassurance. “I’m sure that he wouldn’t have rather gone any other way but that. You did everything you could for him, Riggs… I’m so sorry.” He could feel the pain in his chest. “You were the best mentor. Sometimes, though… We just can’t save them.” He nervously looked over to his own screen for a moment.


“I… I gave him that token, Gian…. If I hadn’t… m-maybe Lonan wouldn’t have gone after him…. I got him killed! What kind of mentor gets their tribute killed?!”


Gian looked into his desperate face. “I know how easy it is to blame yourself. But… This was a long time coming. Whether Lonan knew about the token or not. He wanted to get closer to home. It wouldn’t have mattered. He still would have gone.” His eyes filled with sympathetic tears. “There’s only so much we can do up here.’ His voice went low. “The people in the President’s building want us to blame ourselves. They want us to hate ourselves for this… But it’s a situation completely out of our control.” He ran a hand slowly through Riggs’s hair.


Riggs tried to focus on slowing his breathing. He knew Gian was right, but the pain still weighed heavy on his heart and conscience. Surely there was something he could have done differently, even though he had no idea what it could be. “It’s not fair,” Riggs whispered, unable to say anything more to express his feelings.


Gian bit his tongue, but he could feel eyes on them from the other side of the mentor’s room.


“Let’s go somewhere a little more private,” he said finally, not appreciating the others watching them. He led Riggs to one of the suites next to the mentor’s room, shutting the door behind them. “Do you want a drink of water?”


Riggs hesitated, unsure what he wanted. One thing was for sure though: he so badly needed Gian’s presence, but… so did someone else… “Yes, please. But Gian… Harleigh…” She’s still alive. Riggs felt horrible. Harleigh was still out there, fighting for her life, but here he was, focused on the tribute they had lost and keeping Gian from the one who still survived.


“She’ll be alright…” he said. There were no tributes even close to her, and it was getting to be too late for another gimmick as the required viewing was to end soon. “She can fend for herself for a little while. As much as I think me watching her will somehow help her… Well, it won’t.” He went to grab a cup from the sink in the connecting bathroom and brought it back to Riggs. “Don’t worry about me, or about her right now.”


Riggs had to admit Gian had a point. He always did, being the logical one in the relationship. Riggs didn’t know what he would do without Gian, nor did he know where Gian would be without him. Riggs managed a slow nod.


“Drink… You look so tired. You need to rest.” He was aware he was being a hypocrite, but he could deal with his own exhaustion later. “Your duty for the year is over.” It broke his heart to say it, knowing how invested Riggs was. “You did all that you could…” He was a broken record.


Riggs shook his head. “I will rest, I promise, but I’m not leaving you alone, Gian. You need rest too. We need to keep doing our shifts. I… I’ll be fine. If you can get through watching me fight my way through the arena, I can get through this to support you and Harliegh.” Riggs had to try, anyway. God, if this is how he felt mentoring Elliot, a boy he had only met a few weeks ago and only saw as a friend, how did Gian feel mentoring someone he had fallen in love with, without the support that Riggs had?


Gian shook his head, almost reading his mind. “Protecting Harleigh is my job, but I’m your boyfriend. Protecting you is always going to be my priority.” He rubbed the spot on his arm absentmindedly where it had been shot. It was healing well, but Gian would be lying if he said it was easy to sleep on it… “Riggs, I have to know you’re okay. Otherwise I won’t be the best mentor to Harleigh, because I’ll be worried about you.”


Riggs bite his lip. He and Gian were both stubborn, especially when it came to protecting each other. However, Riggs knew the best thing he could do for Gian right now was step back, at least for now. “Okay… I’ll take care of myself. I promise.”


Gian leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, wiping a stray tear before it could land on Riggs’s face. He wished that he knew what to say, dammit… But how could he, when he still didn’t know how to cope with it himself!? Anything he told Riggs would be inherently hypocritical. If he couldn’t accept what he was saying as true, how could he expect anyone else to? Gian huffed out a breath of frustration from his nose at not being able to help, barely noticing how tightly his fists were clenched. “You get some rest…You deserve it.”


“Thank you, Gian,” Riggs said softly. He didn’t know how he’d be able to take this, losing tributes year after year. But with Gian by his side, at least he had a chance. They would hold each other up.  “I love you, so much. I’m so lucky to have you here with me.” Riggs tilted his head upward and placed a tender, lingering kiss on his boyfriend’s lips.


Gian gave him a small smile. “I love you too. And trust me, I’m definitely the lucky one here.” He ran a hand through Riggs’s hair, knowing that this was the hardest thing they would have to face, next to the horrors they’d already faced in their respective Arenas. He knew that Riggs was still grieving and would be for a while, but they had each other. They would get through it together. And hopefully, maybe it would get easier someday…


“Take a shower and then take a nap. You look like a fifty-year-old man. And I’m the grumpy old man here.”


Riggs tried his best to smile. “Yessir,” he said, trying to joke a little, trying to show Gian he would be okay. “Goodnight, Baby.”


Leaving him was one of the hardest things Gian had to do, every single time. He gave one last glance behind his shoulder before he pulled the door closed. Gian slid down on the other side of the door, holding his temple in his hands. I would do anything to protect you from this… He wanted to say. He just didn’t know how.


He steeled himself, slowly lifted himself back up to his feet, and walked back to his station, where Harleigh was peacefully asleep on his screen. He sipped the lukewarm coffee that sat on his nightstand, knowing that he would need every ounce of it.


It was going to be a long night.