Deleted Scenes: The Hardest Thing (Part 2)

The hardest thing, Part 2

Some of the mentors said that watching the final eight interviews was calming. It was reassuring, as it meant their tributes had gotten that far, and had a shot at Victory. They saw it as a new motivation, just as their tributes did: a new motivation to get home. They enjoyed seeing the people they had been pulling so many late nights for.

But to Gian Mariani, it was the worst part of the entire process. Seeing the desperate faces of those that were waiting on their beloved to come home was too much for Gian. The faces were burned into his brain, their wide eyes forever a part of his brain… And if he would let them down, he would never forget. It was like he was on his Victory Tour all over again: forced to see the pain in the eyes of families that would forever be one person smaller. As different as the situations were in every District he’d visited, the expressions on the faces of the people he saw were the same.

The other mentors watched quietly as the displays were shown, each face looking more desperate than the last. Gian barely paid attention to the first group: he briefly saw the determination on Pluto’s face as Remus’s girlfriend spoke. The display of Owen’s mother caused a stir among the mentors, many of whom talked amongst themselves. Kelly didn’t talk to anyone, but something changed in her face.

Harleigh’s interviews were just another few people to get through to the others, but for Gian, they were more people that depended on him. Watching the family members, who looked so much like Harleigh, talk about how much they loved her, made Gian want to vomit from the anxiety.

Riggs had known Gian long enough to pick up on his anxiety. The past few days since losing Elliot had been hard on him, but after taking the day or two like he’d promised, Riggs knew he had to be back by his boyfriend’s side. Being cooped up in a room, alone, was hard on him, and the last thing he needed right now was to be isolated. He needed to move, he needed to do something, but seeing the uneasiness in Gian’s eyes broke his heart. He wished he could save Gian from the pain he experienced himself when Elliot died, but only Harleigh’s victory would be able to do that.

“She could make it home to them,” Riggs said softly.

“That’s my only choice,” Gian said quietly, looking into the desperate eyes of her twin brother before the channel switched to the next tribute’s family. He couldn’t stand the thought of letting them down. The last time he’d felt like this, he’d brought back a Victor… That had to be reassuring, right?

Gian sighed as the rest of the interviews went by without any issues. The mentors’ faces varied: some looking nervous, some determined, and some, like Helen, both.

Gian took a deep breath, his trembling hands bringing his coffee mug to his lips as he took a desperate sip of the liquid, hoping that it would give him the energy he needed to continue being there. Having Riggs there helped tremendously: they were now two mentors caring for one tribute, and Amani was happy to go out on the floor and help as well. He had gotten some rest at least… But he couldn’t help but worry.

The last interview for Lonan ended, and finally the program was over. However, his heart caught in his throat when he saw the Mandatory Viewing seal spread across his television, accompanied by the excited voice of Viola.

“It appears our final 8 have been invited to a very special feast! Stay tuned to see it all unfold, after this commercial break!”

Gian stared at the television, the only part of his body moving was his shaking hands. “No…” he said, looking desperately up at Riggs, hoping he would say that they’d heard wrong, it was just a mistake, this really wasn’t about to happen…

Riggs’s heart sank. Harleigh was one of the youngest remaining, along with the boy from Eight. He refused to write Harleigh off yet though. There was still hope. “This doesn’t mean anything,” Riggs said, taking Gian’s hand and squeezing it. “She’s smart. She outwitted Arden, after all. She can get out of this, hopefully even without getting hurt.”

That was all Gian could hope. He swallowed a lump in his throat as the annoyingly catching jingle for Cleanier Toothpaste played. There was nothing left for Gian to do.

When the screen showed the Capitol seal again, he realized there was nothing for Harleigh to do either.

The tributes stood on their pedestals from the Bloodbath, where Harleigh was sandwiched between Lonan and the empty red pedestal that was to be for Celestia. The tributes were notified of her death before the proceedings started. Gian watched in horror as her competitors were brought up, one by one, to spin the wheel. Each one to go, he tried to create a scenario for Harleigh to get away from it. She could manage with no water. She could land a hit on Owen and escape…

Until it was her turn.

Gian watched the room plunge into an uneasy dim haze in front of him, eyes widening as the announcement was made.

“From the moment of the mines’ deactivation until sunrise tomorrow, Harleigh will be injected with a sleep-inducing anaesthetic. Side effects may vary.”

“No!” Gian said, just as his tribute said it on the screen. He tried and tried to rationalize what was about to happen to her, but in his heart of hearts, he knew…

The chance of her escaping from thiswas slim.

“That’s… that’s not fair…” Riggs said slowly, his eyes widen as he glanced at Gian in alarm. “Why is that even an option for her to spin?! Someone’s going to go after her! Remus, or... “ He trailed off, shaking his head in disbelief. How could Lux do this? Riggs had thought he was a decent guy, after what he did during his games with the flowers in honor of Syca and the other tributes… but this? How was it fair for Harleigh to have her chance at winning the games stolen from her all because of sheer luck?!

“There’s nothing I can do,” Gian said, too dejected to be embarrassed at his voice cracking. All he could do was watch.

The last spins were taken, the spoils were raised from the ground, and the timer began to count down. Gian’s eyes couldn’t leave the face of the young woman he’d put so much of himself into as she started to haze over.

“Stumble away.” There was nothing she could do. All of the fire in her eyes had long-since disappeared.

The timer hit zero. While the main screen was displaying a fight between Camellia and Remus, Gian’s eyes were glued to the feed he had of Harleigh. She stayed on her pedestal, starting to sway as if she was trying to keep her balance. He could her groans and grunts in the fight happening around her. Harleigh lost her balance, toppling off of her pedestal and hitting the floor. Her face was contorted with shock, like a toddler who had just forgotten how to walk.

“Please…” Gian said, but instead of reacting, Harleigh squeezed her arms shut and started to giggle. The giggle suddenly turned to a loud cackle, that sent chills down Gian’s spine. This was certainly no time to be laughing. “Go!” he couldn’t help yelling at the screen, as Pluto let out a despairing, “NO!!!” on the other side of the room. He heard the quiet sounds of Helen sobbing into Anakyn’s shoulder, as another shrieking laugh from Harleigh filled the room. The camera switched to Lonan and Coda negotiating, but Gian was still watching Harleigh.

“Kick his ass kid!” Tartan cheered, laughing with a clap, but Coda ran away, to his chagrin.

Harleigh continued to sit on her pedestal, her head bobbing as if she were about to sleep, letting out another laugh as Lonan ran towards her, weapon raised. Gian felt pain in his chest as his weapon went cleanly through her body, causing her to yell at the pain, a sound that hurt Gian’s ears, before the noises stopped suddenly. Lonan took Camellia’s supplies and ran, heading out the door.

“No!” Helen cried, the sound muffled by her face being buried in Ani’s shoulder. “Please,” she sobbed, but it was too late, and Camellia took the pill. With a scream, she grabbed her chest, and screamed one more time before Camellia released a last shaking breath and went still. Helen was inconsolable, Pluto was yelling at Camellia and Cerulean on the screen, just barely able to keep away the tears... Gian just felt numb.

Riggs arms snaked around Gian’s waist, pulling him close. He had no idea what to say in the moment, when all he could feel was hopelessness and anger. She didn’t even have a chance to run or fight, or even have any idea what was happening. “We did all we could for them. But it’s not enough when the arena decides to screw her over.”

He just wanted to go home. But that wasn’t an option. They had to stay until they announced a Victor… “I want to go home…” he said again, hands shaking. Demetrius had just coaxed Pluto to leave the room, bringing the mentor area back into silence, only broken by the soft sounds of Helen’s sobs. He admired her for feeling comfortable enough to cry in front of so many people. He supposed nobody was judging her. They were one in the same here. “I want to go home.”

Riggs sighed. “Me too. Let’s at least get out of this room and take a walk?” He couldn’t be here anymore, surrounded by heartache. He knew it wasn’t good for Gian either, to be holding in his pain in front of the others. He wasn’t fooling Riggs; Gian was hurting, and Riggs couldn’t bear knowing there was nothing he could do, just like there was nothing Gian could do to mend his heart just a few days ago.

He could barely manage anything but a feeble nod. He stood up slowly, leaning on Riggs for support as his legs shook. On the way out the door, Ceru’s mentor Maud put a hand lightly on his shoulder. “I’m sorry Gian.” He gave her a polite nod, lips quivering with tears that were too prideful to be shed here, as he and Riggs walked out the door.

Riggs led Gian outside, trying to get out of the stuffiness of this damn building that held so much agony and into the sunlight and fresh air. There was a fountain nearby, with coins scattered around in a pool of water, dropping in by hopeful children making wishes. Riggs longed to be a child again, innocent and wishing to grow up to be something cool, like an astronaut or a fireman. Now though, his only wish was for all this pain to end. Gently, Riggs helped Gian sit on the edge of the fountain before settling next to him and pulling him into his arms in a tight, protective hug.

It was there, close to Riggs’s chest, that the tears began to flow, tears that had been waiting and building for so damn long… Gian grabbed Riggs’s shirt tightly and let them streak his cheeks, flowing freely. The faces appeared in front of him: her family, the families of the people he’d killed… Sometimes he wondered if Halreigh was actually the lucky one. “No more…” he gasped out in between his tears. He didn’t think he could take any more. But he couldn’t say anything except for, “No more…”
Gian didn’t need to say anything else. Riggs knew exactly how he felt. Mentoring tributes, getting attached, watching them die, having his heart torn apart and watching the same thing happen to his love just days later? It was all too much for Riggs. He shook his head as his eyes became teary, running his hand gently through Gian’s dark hair and being uncharacteristically quiet, unable to find the words he needed to make everything okay. Things were not okay, not for either of them.

He clung tightly to Riggs, the one good thing that had ever been allowed to happen to him since his Victory, all those years ago. Four years later, and he couldn’t forget their faces. He saw the faces of the people he’d failed around his District, his home. Nowhere was safe for him anymore. Nowhere except for here, in Riggs’s arms. And who knew how much longer that might be safe?

Thundering footsteps filled his ears, and a blur passed by with maroon hair that had to have been Wolf, a small sniffle filling Gian’s ear as he went past. It was hard on everyone. How did any of them have the guts to keep going? Gian clung to Riggs’s shirt and cried quietly, away from prying eyes, away from assholes like Tartan. Why did it have to be her? It just wasn’t fair…

There was so much for him to say, and yet he didn’t have to say a single word. He was with someone that deeply understood the pain he was feeling. Which made the whole thing even sadder… Not being able to protect him from the same pain Gian was feeling. It was just a cycle, that went on over and over again, of helplessness, trying to be something more, failing again, made helpless again, and there was no end in sight…

“We’ll be okay…” Riggs told him, partly to reassure himself as well as his love. He wasn’t too sure about that, though. They would be okay eventually, yes, but what about next year? The year after? How many times would they build their hopes up again and again for them to be torn down again? And this was when they had each other for support when all else seemed lost. Where would Gian be if June hadn’t been there, and Nerio had killed him in that arena? Riggs didn’t like thinking about it. Imagining his Gian grieving alone hurt too much.

“Some...D...ay…” he couldn’t believe it. But he could hope. If he didn’t have hope, he would have given up a long time ago. His hope was sitting beside him. He was all Gian had left… His voice broke and spoke no more. He grabbed onto Riggs like his life depended on it…

Because it did.